Numb.

My uncle Al, my Daddy's kid brother, passed away Friday night. His death is the last of his siblings, which makes me feel really weird. One of my mother's brothers survives, and after he passes, I and my siblings and cousins become the terminal generation. I don't think I'm ready for that.

I never knew my great-grandparents, but there were plenty of great-aunts and uncles around when I was little, and they were all ancient. All of my aunts and uncles, and their spouses, came to my parents' 50th wedding anniversary in 1991. And my grandma, who died in '93.

Now it's my turn to be in the oldest generation?  Really? Already??

Not such a bad thing, I'm sure. I've been a great-auntie since 1984. My first grand-niece is grown-up and has a six-year old (so I guess I'm a great-great auntie!). And of course, I have eight grands so far.

And I love where I am. I feel I know some stuff now, and of course, being a grandma a very special thing. I also love having the "history" of fifty-some years. I remember when John Glenn took off in that Mercury space capsule. I know where I was when Kennedy was assassinated. I saw the Beatles "live" on the Ed Sullivan show in '64. I wore a muslin dress to my hippie wedding. And my grands think it's funny that I lived a fair part of my life without a computer and a cellphone. So, all in all, I think I'm Pretty. Cool.

I'm trying to balance this "numb" thing with my newish journey, going back to school, and coming to the end, next year, of my childraising. Charming says, in Tigger fashion, that "a whole new thing is opening up for us!!! We're going to have a great Next Phase of our lives!!!!"

Ya' can't stay down too long, with a Tigger in the house.

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And would you say a prayer for my friend Annie? She lost her sister to cancer two months ago. She lost her mother ten days ago. Her oldest son got married yesterday, but not before her children found her husband dead in the living room when they awoke.

I have no words. This is one of those times when the Holy Spirit must pray for us, with "groanings that cannot be uttered."